I met my teacher Gangaji when I was 31 and my life was changed from that moment. I was watching a video of one of her satsang meetings and had an experience of the tone of her voice coming into my heart. She spoke four words that changed my life: "Be your natural self." It was the secret key to the door of freedom for me. It was as if a great fire was lit in the core of my heart and it had all of my attention. Yes, and I gave it my attention.
Within 3 years I was living in Bolinas, Ca, having left every thing to be near her and discover if it was indeed true that a human being is capable of real abiding love. What I have discovered in her presence is that it is so. That True Love is what we are. It is the driving force of our lives, all of our lives. How can this be in this world of violence and carelessness? What a perfect question to ask oneself "How do I turn from love?" She instructed me through her teacher Sri H.W.L. Poonja (Papaji), to stop. To lay down all of my "powers". To me that meant to give up my very name, the role of my gender, and the concepts of myself collected over a lifetime of coping; of being Lisa. In a moment, it was done, as she and the Masters of her lineage had shown. In less time than can be measured, it is possible to realize the truth of ones being. Ones true nature is inescapable. And the desire to question has been rare. So in this brief time I have given my life entirely. It is radical, and I will say I have given it to HER - but who is she?
She is the Self Itself, as all is, as I am; naturally, effortlessly. Through her I have been opened to loving completely. The faults of this personality, the weakness of the physical body, the limitations of the mind are all what has been opened to loving, and all is included. Nothing is excluded. I have been blessed to meet my True Teacher and to be held fully as all the doubts were finally released. My life is a perfect conduit, as all life is, for the true light of love to express itself unfettered. I stand for this, for the Truth, and for all to awaken to their true nature. My life is given in support of this. There is nothing I love more than this.
Gangaji is the beloved Master of my heart and soul, my True Guru, the one who showed me the light of consciousness, my own Self shining blessedly in All. She is the heart of my heart, the answer to a desperate prayer to know True Love. I have been by her side, drenched in devotion for over 16 years. I belong to Her alone, and She is discovered freshly, essentially, impeccably in each moment through this life of living Grace. I will never get up from this bow of gratitude. In the light of her presence I am seen. She is a blessing to the world and I love her with every fiber of my being, eternally. How does one speak of this??!! I am lived by this meeting, lived in love.
Look for the truth in every lie, that way you'll be able to have communion with your brother and sister. Look for the truth because you can, through the dark of deceit and betrayal, ignoring and hurt; it is there bidding you to find it. Truth asks us to yield, to open, to look into it's face, it wants us to look. It can be like looking into the sun and like falling into darkness too. Truth can be like that. To look for the truth? Be Still.
It is a razors edge.
There must be complete surrender and it is ruthless. It has got to be ruthless, truly ruthless. Everything has to be given. All is taken; everything - good, bad, everything - all that you are. All you think you are. That is the thing. It takes what you think you are. And then it keeps it. It does, it keeps it. Thank goodness. What is "it"? It is the nourishing balm of Truth, Love, Silence. It is what you are, now, without making any effort. Give your attention to that.
How to recognize the insanity of rote behavior, reactionary action and desire based acquisition? Silence reveals all of it and re-sets the attention on what is real and lasting, true and loving. To take the time to pause and rest, allowing all effort to cease for just a moment will reveal to you the activity of the mind. Thoughts will seem overpowering, so used are we, to planning and gnawing on regrets or perceived injustices committed against us. In the midst of this mind storm, you can focus your attention with razor sharp clarity on the substratum of their origin. If you simply look for the origin, you will discover a current of deep silence permeating it all. At first, the mind will not be interested in this. It will feign boredom. If you use your attention to dive into the experience of boredom you will discover that the movement inwards and down with the attention yields way to the opening of the mind into that which is unknown to it. This can give rise to fear, for we have so long kept busy with thought that we have created a world which by it's nature is limited by the known. This made up world is what we believe to be real. It is our persona, our beliefs, our purpose. What I am speaking of here is the discovery of what lies beyond the minds perception. The willingness to investigate earnestly into the truth of ones true nature is the willingness to be what cannot be captured in the mind. This is your birthright. This is the evolutionary wave of Self discovery that is washing over humanity right this second.
We think intimacy is what we have among our friends and our families and our spouses and our pets. But really the most intimate act is to surrender to the truth of one’s self: to actually give a moment of your life to that. It is deeply intimate. It is an expression that can’t be repeated. It only happens in the moment, this moment that is only here now ever.
Lately I have been lucky to have insights about being honest with myself. I have noticed that there are feelings and "frames of mind" that will be running just below the radar, like in the background; and I have noticed that I had been ignoring them. They are the kind of feelings and states that I would call "common" or "unremarkable", seeming like the dust on the windowsill - not obscuring the larger view... What I found though, is that they were not so subtle when given full attention! I found a level of unconscious engagement in a story line of old, a can of worms!! And a deep one, too!! So lucky!! I found out a couple of things as a result: Attention is so valuable, just simple quiet attention. And forgiveness allows one to be more honest with oneself and also fosters honesty in others, so that there can be a deeper seeing all around. Just simply sitting still, in my case, allowed me to see a subtle layer of suffering, a "frame of mind" and then into a major pattern of thought that had been crusted over by repetition and ignorance. Now what I am finding is that there is a whole new pathway opened up in the seeing and more is being revealed, like a flower unfolding. I am seeing the threads of this in my entire life, all of the relationships, and especially powerful seeing now is happening through the relationship to/with my body. What a gift attention is!! That we have the power to focus attention on itself is truly a miracle. Then, the gratitude is as unending as the revelation of just being. This gift - noticing, focusing awareness - all revealed to me in satsang with Gangaji. Thank you with all of my heart.
There is such an experience of gratitude today!
In the grace of gratitude
swelling like the tide;
Work is sacred.
Movement, art, life,
a love song
in the grace of gratitude.
Heart full of goodness,
our True Love appears as each other,
In the grace of gratitude,
silence breathes real life.
_Thoughts are really amazing. They take us into fantastic realms and the discoveries are so incredible.
No wonder we all think the mind is the master. It is where the glamor is. That is where the achievement is. That is where the community is because we can share with each other what we have thought and what we have discovered. It is beautiful; a great power.
And finally, finally where does it all arise from and can you
allow the thoughts to die to that, to find a Master? Because
that is when they actually become most useful is when there has been the discovery of that silent Master, that empty Master. Then thoughts can be fresh, they can serve without serving the illusory future.
Right now my heart is so filled with the blessing of having true friends who reflect sweet loving silence to me, steady and true no matter what drama is unfolding in my life. I am so very grateful for stillness in the face of movement, unflinching honesty in the midst of the story, inclusion of it all with a welcome home to satsang at the center of the swirl of emotion or circumstances.
I love the fullness of all that life brings, and that love finds its root in reality where stillness is the medicine - not indulgence. The times in my life where I have followed a story of suffering into a constructed "rabbit hole" of reality have been many - a habit which has used up its usefulness for myself as the teller in first person, or as the helper - another type of story altogether, becoming no less caught in the web of egoic desire to assist.
I am free. I am the fullness of what is freedom itself - all arises here - and life itself is the devotion to this. I cannot begin to express my deep gratitude to the blessed friends whom I adore and cherish and who meet me here in the center of the center unfailingly, as True Love Itself, conscious and aware of itself - living.
Thank you my Beloved Gangaji for pointing my life to this True meeting.
Is in love with what is true and good and real and her life is given to that.